Pack the Plastic

From 2007

Well, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and got everything they wanted. I sure hope Santa (our infamous friend from a couple posts ago) did not leave coal in your stockings or get stuck in your fireplace. Being so fat, how the hell does he get down the chimney anyway? To me, it looks like he can barely fit through a door. He is just a myth anyway, so who cares.

Anyway, now that you have more stuff to pile in your houses, trailers, motel room, or refrigerator box, I know how you can keep it all safe. You do not need a gun. You do not need a home security system. You do not even need a pit bull. (Even though I think their kick ass) I have discovered a new method of security that should be universal to everything we want to protect. You want to know how I discovered it? Just from opening a Christmas gift this year.

As I got the new Akon CD as a gift, I attempted to open it up and give it a listen. After about an hour and half, I finally got it open after much frustration. Are you following me? That is right, that fucking plastic protection that they put on Cd's and DVDs now. Jesus Christ, I do not think there is a safe in Fort Knox that is this tough to crack. Do I need the Ocean’s Eleven crew to come help me open this fucking thing? I bet people do not even steal these items anymore, just because it is such a pain in the ass to open it, it is not worth the risk. Tell me you do not want to shoot someone while trying to open one of these items?

So as I struggled with a couple more Cd's I purchased, it dawned on me. Why not use this plastic shit on everything we want to protect? I know this shit had to be developed by NASA or someone. I say when you get out of your new car; wrap it in this plastic shit. When you go to sleep at night, cover your house with this plastic and sleep peacefully, because even if a burglar tried to get in, it would take him until morning.

This could work for STD and pregnancy prevention to. I know some of us guys have had condoms break, right? I say wrap your thingy up in this plastic and worry no longer. There will not be any babies on the way. This could be dangerous though, because you might not ever get it off either. Then again, it would be dirty, but you would always be ready to go. (Sick visual huh? Good!)

My whole point is that I am really joking about all of this. Who would wrap their house in this? Probably some guy after reading this and I will be to blame for him being stupid. Anyway, get rid of this shit. I am so sick of having to fight with this anti-human plastic on these Cd's and DVDs. You know, the music industry is bitching that people steal music off the Internet. Well, just put some plastic on the shit. I am kidding, but at least the thieves that fight this plastic are taking the REAL CD and they are not bootlegging it, right? You think you would be natural allies.

Just please stop punishing those of us who actually purchase music and DVDs and give your industry money. Get rid of this fucking plastic protection that no one can fucking get in, in a reasonable amount of time. This plastic shit makes me want to bootleg and burn Cd's, maybe that is why you guys face piracy. Not because the fans only want one or two songs, but because they DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO FIGHT WITH THAT PLASTIC SHIT EVER AGAIN!